How I Built a Replacement and Stronger Relationship with My Body After IVF

Story of an IVF patient


Last year, I was between my second and third IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycles when I decided it was time to get back to yoga.

Once a day, I rolled out a black mat in my living room to practice Yin yoga, a form of deep stretch where poses are held for as long as five minutes. Though I have two yoga teaching certifications, this was my first time practicing in more than a year. I was unable to step out of my bed. All I did was talk to my doctors and think about the time when I can have a baby in my arms. In the year that followed that first meeting, my husband and I traversed cycles of hope and disappointment more than once. IVF is hard — on your body, on your emotions — and nothing really prepares you for it. For me, one of the most unexpected parts was feeling estranged from my body.

IVF needs you to inject hormones — essentially pushing  your body to mature many eggs way before ovulation, within the hopes of getting a viable and healthy one (or more) that will fertilize. But in my 40s, I knew I had already expended my most viable, healthy eggs, so the injections had the effect of distancing me from my body.

My friends and I were modern dancers at the time, and in good shape. Ten years later, and in the midst of IVF, that time resonated as distinctly ended. That body seemed discrete and separate from the body I had in my 40s. I was not testing myself within the same way physically, having turned to writing, true, but this sense of being separated from my body, even feeling some in-the-shadows disappointment with it.
. One evening, my husband and I took my brother-in-law to dinner in honor of his birthday. As it happened, my husband had gone to school with the host at the restaurant, and after their initial hellos, his friend turned to me kindly and said, “Is this your mom?”

That was enough to get my attention. After some deep self-reflection, i noticed that the aging process wasn’t liable for me looking and feeling older, tired, and out of shape. My thought process was. In my mind, I felt defeated, and my body began to show signs of that.

That third IVF cycle would be our last. It was unsuccessful. That is when I decided to build a healthy relationshio with my body. These failures made me determined to love my body and make it better, despite the outcome.

The first thing happened a couple of days before my third egg retrieval. I fell and sustained a concussion. As such, I wasn’t able to have anesthesia during the egg retrieval. While I was attending my IVF orientation a year earlier, I had been asked about foregoing anesthesia, and therefore the doctor shuddered: “A needle pierces the vaginal wall to suction the egg from the ovary,” she said. “It’s been done, and can be done, if it’s important to you.”

As it turned out, I had no choice. On the day of the retrieval, the nurse in the operating room was Laura, who had taken my blood several times during morning monitoring to record hormone levels. She stationed herself by my right side, and commenced gently rubbing my shoulder. The doctor asked if I was ready. I was.

Once I could settled things in my mind, the momentary pain IVF had stirred from the longer journey of inhabiting a body that's fundamentally resilient, I could see my body as strong and potential again — whilst ageless.

It was my emotional well-being that had predicated my feelings of aging. My actual body had been resilient, and proved to be unbreakable once I turned thereto with renewed belief in its energy and potential.

Back at home, I resumed my Yin yoga practice. I noticed my body was happy and regaining its familiar shape and size, and, though the disappointments surrounding IVF have taken a long time, I notice I can affect my exploration of them by shifting my thought process to create boundaries between my feelings and their inherent power, and the holistic vision of myself, where my feelings are temporary conditions — not permanent, defining attributes.

Day by day, I stepped out of  my white bed and reconnected with my body. And my body answered back — returning to a place where it could be pliable, dynamic, and youthful, both in my imagining and in reality.Check Best ivf centre in dehi.


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